Our Life Together Vol.3 Nr. 14 April 8, 1975

Ken's article was one of the important ones. We came back to this issue of how we talk to one another many times. He bases this on scripture. He really has some great points. Wouldn't things be a lot different if we were polite and kind to one another rather than mean and dismissive of one another. I like that. Ken also points out that our language is to be serious. Certainly we can keep one another at arms length be using only superficial talk. We can also mask our feelings by not being truthful. Lastly we can also be nasty be "telling the truth with love," (usually when this phrase was used in community, the word was neither truthful nor given in love -- this was just our license to vent.)

I disagree with Ken on two counts. The first one is that of humor. Laughter is good. We talked then and most of us talk now about the importance of joy in the Christian life. We were not meant to be sour and serious all of the time. I don't think that this scripture is precluding a use of humor. I know in Westby Household there were a lot of funny situations and several very funny people. It was so healthy when we would laugh together. I was known for making puns -- of course people would groan when I came out with one -- but then we would all laugh together; very healthy. I do think that it is important that our humor doesn't come at the expense of another. We must stay away from ridicule of a brother or sister, but good, clean humor is a bond builder.

The second area of disagreement with Ken is in the area of superficial talk. Without some superficial talk, many of us wouldn't talk at all. Certainly a relationship can't deepen without getting to know someone first. This is part of the purpose of talking about the weather, a movie or some funny episode of life. We also learned in community that we do need some wisdom about how much of our inner lives we reveal to people. There were people in community that really betrayed the trust of some vulnerable people. In trying to obey Ken's injunction on superficial talk, many people were too ready to spew out their deepest secrets at a moments notice. I guess I really became aware of this tendency a few weeks after this issue came out. I was at the church office -- just hanging out -- when a person came in. Being a friendly type of person, I said, "How are you?" Of course, I expected, "Fine." But what I got was tears followed by, "Oh you won't believe what I have just gone through. . ." This happened three times in succession. I stopped asking that question around the office.

I think Ken's article if very valuable. We do need to be careful about our speech. But I think that there is a good place of humor and superficial speech is a good thing at times.